A lot has happened. A lot has happened in the last few days. It will take a few days to tell everything. First things first, I'm alive, busting the balls of those around me. And I'm doing reasonably well. Apart from the fact that my pulse is through the roof and my breathing is in the basement. So on an arithmetic average, everything is in the green. Causes? Both psychological and physical. My bones hurt. I've been purging for over three hours. I can't finish. There's always more. That's enough for two days. Under normal conditions. But the conditions are not normal. Normal would be that I have to remind my carers to eat several times a day if I have to eat regularly. In the last few days, we have only managed three bottles of 400 kcal each. That is too little. There is a lack of energy and fibre. And of course all the nutrients, but you don't feel that so quickly.
Well, I put my diet plan in our calendar. The result, over-motivation leads to overshooting the mark. I wasn't paying attention yesterday. I noticed when it was too late that I had eaten six meals in just seven and a half hours. That puts pressure on the stomach, the lungs. It's a known fact. It's always been like that, it won't change. Of course not. It's the nature of the most natural thing in the world. There are reasons why I have imposed such a strict diet and daily routine on myself. I will pay more attention to adhering to it in the future.
These are excellent topics for our team meeting. Unfortunately, this has never taken place so far. It is somehow striking how the management of my nursing service deals with problems. You can see a pattern. Whenever I describe a problem, no attempt is made to find a solution. They just look for someone to blame so that they can publicly denounce me in the group and threaten me with punishment and sanctions. Yesterday the word "warning" was mentioned again. What a load of crap.
I have been with this care service for over a year now. The oh-so-important team meeting is supposed to take place at least once a quarter. In fact, it has never taken place. My team leader is not authorised to schedule a team meeting. The head of the nursing department once scheduled one, but no one had time at such short notice. Or wrote directly to the group that they really didn't think it was necessary for them to attend. Of course, it's always the ones who need it most. Which does not allow any conclusions to be drawn about their work performance. Very important point. The routine meetings should be about me. About the changes. ALS doesn't care if your carers have already agreed on the latest changes. ALS just gets on with it. Especially those who only have one or two services a month are left behind. So yes, I do think that everyone's participation is not only useful, but absolutely necessary. There are enough possibilities today to realise participation digitally if necessary. But it all boils down to the crucial question. Who will take the reins?
So. Team leadership may not. Head of department can't. PDL? Also called nursing service management. Only parrots what the management says. No opinion of her own, no assertiveness. But, no, I can't judge. I've never seen anyone try to do anything on their own. But it's not my point of contact anyway. I'm always supposed to go directly to the management. For reasons, as I was told. Which kind of brings us full circle. Because they don't do anything.
Almost funny again. With the latest problem, a team meeting was planned for the day after tomorrow in addition to our crisis meeting tomorrow. And that was then brought forward another day. To tomorrow, when I have treatment, as you know. P obligatory appointment. The management also doesn't want to have to say the bad word in my group. They said that staff were obliged to cancel or reschedule all private appointments on days off within 36 hours of Sunday night. She personally deserves that much respect. Only in the case of staff on holiday could an exception be made. From me? Not a word. Respect? For what, may I ask? My IQ is not that bad. I must have missed something.
I have experienced a lot in my life. My contact persons at our clients were practically always the managing directors. It's the nature of my job. Never before have I seen a management that understood less and failed so badly when it came to managing staff. I know far "worse" managers. People who make you feel really uncomfortable just standing in the same room. I don't mind such things. I also stand in front of the owner of a law firm with a seven-figure annual salary in trainers and explain to him that he won't find anyone better than me for his money. That gives me pleasure. But you still perceive the fear and anxiety of oppressed employees accompanying you. I have met bad people. Ice-cold structural sales people, choleric and control freaks. Or simply people who were only out for their own profit, who didn't give a damn about employees' rights and made no secret of it. But there were reasons. There were always reasons. Be it, in the worst case, a pathological condition. What are you going to do with a bipolar disorder, for example? Real crap is what it is. If you haven't experienced it in your own family, you can't, with all due respect, pass judgement on it. But as I said, there were always reasons. You can learn to deal with them. Or you can decide not to work with such people. For ethical reasons, if you like. Those who claim that sometimes you have no choice are just too cowardly and too comfortable for the truth. I do many things for money. But not selling myself. That has never happened and will not happen again in my lifetime. This attitude even cost me my job once. But my integrity has remained with me.
But what do you do if there are no reasons for the missteps? When you get the feeling that there is a lack of awareness that something is wrong with this kind of leadership. I can't shake the impression that after this prison camp-style "crackdown", people truly believe they have earned respect for it. The only ones who have earned respect are three of my nurses, who sacrifice themselves for an exhausting ALS patient. And they know that they are meant when they read this.
I'm not saying it's due to incompetence. But perhaps it is due to incompetence. You can't argue with that. With this, stupidly, neither. And so I abruptly closed the most absurd group chat discussion ever.
I would like to stop the discussion at this point. I find your way of communication and management ridiculous. I'm sorry that I can't find any other words for the kindergarten you are running.
I hereby cancel the appointments for Tuesday and Wednesday. These were meant to discuss problems in my supply and not to have your internal squabbles and stupid power struggles in front of the customer.
We will clarify everything else concerning me in due course.
