This article was first published at ITK SECURITY.
Last update 7 months ago by Patrick RuppeltReading time: 9 minutes
What to do when your internet connection is down again? Sure, call your internet provider.
Easier said than done. Once again, the nice colleagues at vodafone don't answer. I may try again later.
Unfortunately, online reporting is not possible with vodafone. But at least, how modern, there is an official company WhatsApp chat for fault reports. WhatsApp, how privacy-friendly...
Well then, let's install WhatsApp and try our luck.
The vodafone privacy policy, which I am required to accept, are so opaque and unmanageable that everyone will probably just agree. Countless links and cross-references, certainly several hundred pages long in total. Whether this is in the inventor's spirit remains to be seen. I have not read them, but simply confirmed them.
If I want to report a fault to my provider, no one can demand that I first spend hours reading data protection notices. And I'm really talking about hours.
Note: This would be a topic for a separate article. Maybe I'll have time at the weekend to take a closer look.
If anyone should ever be embarrassed to make use of the vodafone WhatsApp suppression service... here you can find most of the relevant data protection regulations for WhatsApp chat: https://www.vodafone.de/media/downloads/pdf/datenschutzhinweise-fuer-whatsapp-busine.pdf.
Note: This would also be a topic for a separate article, because whether what is written there is at all technically feasible should probably be questioned rather critically.
All right, then, I'll try my luck....
So far, that still looks quite good. Will this "voice computer" from vodafone understand me better than all the others? Let's try it out.
Tactic #1: Stalling
That's how far I got on the hotline...
Somehow I can't shake the feeling that this virtual assistant Tobi is not so bright in the head after all. Who said anything about deferring payment? I'll start from the beginning. With support staff or bots on the other end of the line, I can muster a royal patience for my customers.
Tactic #2: Attrition
Fast forward. I'm beginning to wonder who programmed this. I'm still trying to report the malfunction of a vodafone internet connection.
After Tobi finally understood my date of birth, I was in good spirits that we would finally get around to recording the disturbance. But far from it. Now the whole fuss starts all over again.
After eleven more messages, Tobi finally understood the address. Not that he had already recorded it at the beginning of our conversation. Classic attrition tactics in the hope that the customer will just give up at some point.
It also seems to be asking too much to find out which connection it is after entering the customer number, first and last name and date of birth. Apparently, vodafone is not yet ready with "artificial intelligence".
Give up? I don't think so. I'm not giving up. Now my ambition has really been awakened.
Tactic #3: Lying
It ends the way it had to end. As it always ends. There is supposedly no malfunction.
Okay, I think to myself, so if I keep at it, maybe I'll manage to report a fault at some point. And I should be right, only a few more details are needed to record my fault. The next answer follows immediately:
This constant reference to the fact that no employee is available is starting to get on my nerves. I only use this WhatsApp chat because I'm constantly being kicked out of the telephone fault line and can't reach anyone.
I patiently answer all further questions. In order to determine whether my Internet connection is actually faulty, I now also have to state which vodafone telephone number is booked on the connection. Whatever this may have to do with the Internet fault, good things come to those who wait.
And yes, the disturbance is indeed recorded.
And three guesses what has happened since then. Correct: nothing. Nothing at all.
No callback, no new message in the chat, not even a fault ticket was recorded.
When I log on to the vodafone customer portal, it just grins at me in a friendly way and tells me how great everything is. And anyway, who gave you permission to call me by my first name?
Of course, this is also a way to get around support and achieve visually attractive, alleged availability figures. The reality, however, looks different, provider want because it costs money and is of no use to the provider in the big masses.
What does a single customer matter?
It's always his own fault anyway.
A lost customer costs less money than providing support in the event of a fault. At least with the prices at which you can get an internet connection today.
The one who suffers - as always - is precisely this customer. He no longer has any possibility at all to report a fault. And who would cancel their internet connection just to get out of the frying pan and into the fire? In the end, the change goes wrong and the customer is left without a connection.
Since this has a method at vodafone and we regularly receive reports of such cases from vodafone customers, it would actually be a good idea to have a Notification to the Federal Network Agency attached.
I'll be nice and wait to see if vodafone still intends to contact me at some point. If not, I'll send the link to this blog entry to Tobi. Maybe he will be able to do something with it and someone will finally take up my problem. Because even my patience has reached the end of its tether. After more than three hours of trying in vain to reach vodafone support, I don't feel like it any more.
Dear customers, if you also have such experiences, remember, you are not alone. We often feel the same way when we talk to manufacturers, suppliers and service providers. Or try to talk to them - but they don't want to talk to us.
Update 24 hours later (9.10.2019): nothing new in the West...
Update 48 hours later (10.10.2019): to smile and wonder....
Update 11.10.2019
Update 17.10.2019: I have been trying to report a fault for over a week now. Just now I finally reach a real person on the phone. She sees my incident report from a week ago in the system. The case is "in progress". Yes, no, it's clear... a service technician is coming this afternoon, because in such cases an on-site appointment is necessary. Always the same game. He'll come here, find out that I have a Cisco router and that he doesn't know anything about it, and if I can't convince him to change the tooth year old Kabel Deutschland modem, then I can sue. Verdict "free choice of router" and all that, which the providers always don't want to admit...
