Dear Diary,
am I doing something wrong? So probably yes, it can't be normal. But what am I doing wrong? Or do other patients have similar problems? I don't think so, that would be tragic to the power of ten.
The bleeding has stopped. The panic still has a firm grip on me. 3 Tavor Expedit and 10 drops of morphine directly under the tongue, plus 2 grams of weed and two (pseudo-) benzos afterwards and I manage to fall asleep. Any „normal“ person would be in a coma for the next two days with a pulse of 50. I, on the other hand, still have an inner restlessness like no other. My heart rate stabilises somewhere around 100. It's about the same as when someone on my balcony is on speakerphone and talking so loudly on the phone that half of Grünwald can hear. Why do all my carers have no manners? I can count the exceptions on one hand. Okay, the female carers have manners. All of them. But the male carers... Exceptions and one hand is all I can say. Guys, please show a little consideration. You're not alone on this planet.
But hey, I slept for two hours tonight. It would have worked longer without a problem if it hadn't been for the nightly mask-changing problem. We switch to the nasal mask for suctioning. So far, so good. Next. Suction. Also good. And back to the nasal mask to sleep. Not good. Grünwald? We have a problem. Again again.
I'll spare you the details. It's the same Kas every time anyway.
Let's turn to the positive things instead. My gums look good. Well, well, you'll probably never be able to say that about my gums again. When I saw what the necks of my teeth looked like... I find it hard not to... wonder. Wonder is a nice word, I like it. It sounds so unprovocative, guilt- and blame-free. Innocuous. But anyone who knows me knows exactly how open Poland is.
Brushing your teeth with a toothbrush is cancelled with immediate effect.
Next. The second lab with the missing values is here. It confirms 100% everything I have been preaching to my nurses for weeks and months. But what do I expect? To be listened to by a medical layman like me? Ah go, what do you dream about at night?
Let me summarise for the record:
- My blood is not only okay. It is even better than at the last sample.
- The coagulation is at the lower limit with 65%. That would be 70%. This explains why it took so long to calm down.
- There is no detectable reason in the blood for the poor clotting. It is also only a first-time, temporary phenomenon without any reason for concern (!).
- Any blood loss cannot even be detected in the blood after 24 hours of continuous bleeding (!).
I address a know-it-all, cynical „Sorry“ with a big grin to those who forced me to drink beetroot juice every day to compensate for my high blood loss due to my immanent bleeding gums. Yes, I am completely serious.
I kept my promise and had a doctor take a blood sample and evaluate it. I was right. My nurses were wrong in their medical assessment. There is nothing to gloss over and nothing to express diplomatically.
Can we please now ceremoniously flush the most expensive bullshit juice I've ever bought down the toilet and never say a word about it again? Yes, I am completely serious.
qed.
