Because it's so nice, we'll start today with a quote from myself for a change.

Sometimes I really have to pull myself together. When I hear in the afternoon "I haven't eaten anything today" and I think to myself, clearly, this morning the care was too stressful for you, so we haven't done anything yet, because I "already" had speech therapy from 12:15 to 13:15...

Is it my imagination? Is it just me? Or do I have to accept that nurses find every service notoriously stressful?

Please do not misunderstand. There are exceptions. Rare and extremely hard to find. Nurses who take their job seriously, are attentive and show a real sense of responsibility. I don't blame them for being exhausted after their shift. Because they have worked and I know what I am talking about. I worked for a year myself caring for neurologically ill patients. Personally, I find working with a 14-year-old stroke patient a bit more demanding, to be honest. But that's another topic.

Once again, I secretly allowed myself a little test. Unethical, I know. Sue me. But if I'm wrong and there is a God, I'll go to hell anyway. So here goes. What's your guess? How many hours do I actually work in a 12-hour shift?

To find out, I chose a day when I had more work to do. This way I can be sure that in case of doubt, less time is spent productively. And then I simply ran my time recording and documented what was done and when. I'm curious myself, I haven't looked at the figures yet.

Time expenditureactivities conducted
18 minutes Positioning, administering medication, suctioning, eating
Oral hygiene is regularly forgotten
8 minutes Smoking
4 minutes Mask straightening, suction
10 minutes Mask alignment, suction, storage
4 minutes Food
3 minutes Start inhalation
12 minutes Stop inhalation, cough, suction, nasal spray
42 minutes Shaving, basic care
8 minutes Mask, Coffee, Suction
4 minutes Mask, suction
8 minutes Smoking, suction
2 minutes Mask
26 minutes Fresh bed, suction, mask
6 minutes Suction, prepare to go to the toilet
4 minutes Suction, nasal spray
36 minutes Inhalation, coughing, suction, defecation
meanwhile "cleaning" work surfaces
21 minutes Writing documentation
4 minutes Suction
8 minutes Smoking
3 minutes Food
3 minutes Vacuum, dispose of rubbish
2 minutes Handover

To make it quite clear once again, there are fortunately exceptions. But this is not even the rule, it is already high standard.

And, I'm sorry to say, constant correction of the mask is not usually necessary if you put it on properly once. We don't actually do permanent suctioning either. But if you lift your head against my will every time you change your mask, you have to vacuum constantly afterwards. That's why I don't want to do it. Only recently I choked and inhaled secretions. Pneumonia was the direct result. But don't say anything. Then everyone is offended, like little children. The official statement was that it had to be done that way, that there was no other way and that I needed a cannula. Well, my new training videos, which I still have to edit, see it differently. And if he then calls mummy again because I was bad to him, then I can't change that either. This is about my health and, in case of doubt, my life.

This said, how many hours do I work in a tightly scheduled 12-hour shift?

Good question, tell me. A calculator cannot be operated without hands and eye control. In my head I get less than four hours. That seems a bit short to me. Maybe I'd better do the maths again later...