Dear Diary,
it just doesn't seem to be happening. Just when you think you've had enough vomiting this week... just when you think things are going to change for the better in your care... just when you're wondering whether changing care provider might not be a wise decision after all...
Then it's time again for a hefty setback. And it's from a damper of my favourite kind. The one where not only I, but also the nurse's own colleagues say it's unnecessarily complicated what she's come up with.
For once, I'm the most annoyed today. I'm really annoyed after the action this morning. My sister is visiting from Spain and we've lost half a day. My metabolic rhythm is out of control. I've been trying for an hour with Movicol and Microlax - to no avail. We haven't been able to do any nursing yet and I have a visitor in 30 minutes. And in an hour and a half, the head of a new care service is coming round to meet me. We've been in contact for a while. And I'm really tired.
The appointment later was, funnily enough, one of the suggestions from the management of my current care service. I had accepted the appointment and informed my friends who were to be present at the crisis meeting. And then came, as every time, the cancellation from the care service. From then on, I didn't care what the management did. For the time being, there will be no new appointment from my side. I'm not going to be made a fool of any longer. They get far more than 300,000 € a year for the care and don't manage to come to a meeting for months, although there would be more than enough reasons for that.
I have now simply invited a possible successor. The tension is rising.
A more than exciting question will be which of my current team I want to take with me. The only carer I trust 100% blindly will - I fear - not want to change employer. What a shame. Because if I had an OK from this one person, I would quit without batting an eyelid and go somewhere else.
Even more to lament is the fact that there would then only be two more caregivers to consider; but only if they abide by my rules in the future. I don't want to have to experience such a superfluous drama as this morning again. I had a pretty good night. At half past six in the morning, I should have been vacuuming. But I know the game only too well. Some people can change masks in their sleep. And the others, well, they only manage to change masks when I'm not asleep.
And so it was clear to me on night duty today that the mask would be put on so crookedly again that it would be impossible to ignore the air flowing out on all sides. With a gap of at least 5 mm between the mask and the nose, it's no wonder. I would even say that was a whole centimetre. But I don't want to exaggerate. A blind man with a cane would have seen how crooked it was.
My sister is visiting from Spain and is sleeping next to me. When she witnessed the ordeal this morning, I had the impression she didn't believe what she was seeing. I have to say that my sister has put the mask on me countless times and knows what it's all about. And also that it has nothing to do with strength whether the mask fits or not. It's just a question of technique. When the day service came, he explained and demonstrated the correct technique again. First try, about 80 seconds later, the mask fits like a glove.
I can finally go back to sleep. Unfortunately, it's now almost 10 o'clock because they preferred to do a cosy handover first and only then said „Oh, and by the way, the patient has been lying there for over an hour without any positioning and with the wrong mask and would like to sleep. But I can't manage to change the mask. Can you show me how to do it again?“. Only to be told after the demonstration „That's it? But I can't do that, I don't have that much strength.“. Yeah, right. You didn't even try. Like a little kid, really. I feel like I'm in kindergarten.
When I wake up again it is already 11 o'clock. I feel like I've been run over. The day is over for me. I'm annoyed, stressed, hungry and tired. And I haven't had any coffee yet. Anyone who knows me knows how much fuel that is.
My sister asks me if this has ever happened before. When I reply, of course, it happens to this carer every other shift, which is why I no longer take a nap with her, and there's another one like her...
I realise that now I have to think about who to take with me. I don't want to ask myself the question. But I have to.
